Funky's HNT Archive

Submission

2006-04-22T09:47:00.000-07:00

My final assignment in Photography 1 was Light Painting. After playing around with moving my subject, I settled on some stills. This is my favorite, and though he's anything BUT submissive, when he is quiet and inside of himself, this is exactly what he's like. I love this for the lighting, for the story, and for the beauty that is my husband.

Lent - I Figured it Out

2006-03-02T00:00:00.000-08:00

I'm giving up HNT for Lent.

Just kidding.

I gave up talk radio.

This is Funky, and that is all.

Come A Little Bit Closer

2006-02-23T12:00:00.000-08:00

Come a little bit closer
You're my kind of man*
So big and so strong
Come a little bit closer
I'm all alone
And the night is so long

*insert non-gender specific noun here

This is Funky, and that is all.

Nothing to Wear

2006-02-16T00:00:00.000-08:00

Overworked and Underdressed

You see that pile of laundry in the upper right corner?

Seriously -- I need a maid.

This is Funky, and that is all.

HNT Manatee

2006-02-09T00:00:00.000-08:00

I was trying to work up something with a hint of sexy, but my manatee kept getting in the way.

See how happy he is? He's smiling and everything.

I think he likes you.

This is Funky, and that is all.

Me & My Manatee

2006-02-02T22:11:00.000-08:00

*posted via Flickr because Blogger sucks ASS tonight.*

Last week I dug into my archives to find a picture that expressed the level of distress I was feeling at being away from my LoveBug.

With absolutely no fanfare at all, I introduced a series I had long ago planned for HNT.

Me & My Manatee

Allow me to introduce you to my manatee. He has no name -- he is just my manatee. I bought him a few years ago at the Lowry Park Zoo. Lowry is amazing in their committment to nursing injured manatees back to health. I spoke at length with one of the workers and became passionate about the plight of manatees at the hands of selfish and stupid boaters. I bought my manatee and took him home to remind me to work for the cause.

One night soon thereafter, one of our pillows came up missing. Now see, I have to lay my head on one pillow, while resting my face on another pillow. With one pillow missing, I was forced to cuddle up to my manatee. It was the best night's sleep ever. Since that time, I do NOT go to sleep without him. He is more important than my pillow or my blankets. He has become my security blanket, my cuddle buddy, my very special sleepy time friend.

So one night a few months back I shot some photos with my manatee. I will be exposing you to them, as I expose not only parts of my nekkidness, but the very childish side of me that now has to sleep with a stuffed animal.

This is Funky, and that is all.

Because I'm Really Nekkid Without Him

2006-01-26T22:11:00.000-08:00

This has really and truly been the day from hell. I can't believe how hard it is to do nothing.

Just so you know -- there is no price tag too steep to keep me from him. Yes, airfare was ridiculous, but that was only one hurdle: we have kids here that needed a parent/guardian who could take care of them properly. My mom is not well enough, though she offered. We have workers coming in to do more stuff in the kitchen. We have a legal proceeding that must be attended too. We have stuff, and the bottom line is that I let him talk me in to staying put.

I'm just amazed at the outpouring of love for my LoveBug, including you Texas Bloggers who have offered to go see him in my stead. You know, he has lots of friends there who attended the meeting with him, but knowing that MY friends are representing just makes me feel warm and tingly. It's the small comfort in the midst of the big bad.

He sailed through the surgery and we've spoken during his lucid moments. He's sore, but not too uncomfortable. The staff at Medical City have been absolutely wonderful. Even the recovery nurse has called me to see if I needed anything.

I do, of course. I need my husband home, or I need to be with my husband. I'm more than half-nekkid without him. I'm fully exposed.

This is Funky, and that is all.
>

The Song in My Head

2006-01-19T22:10:00.000-08:00

"It's all about the song in my head, the one where the audience is all dead"

-- Boys Night Out

This is the last of my Mirror Images series. I thought it was appropriate that it landed behind my Idol Confessions.

I know you sweet ones of HNT have about 200 or so half-nekkid folks to catch up with this evening, so I'll keep this short.

Once upon a time I had a vision -- literally. That vision grew into a song. That song grew into a love of songwriting. That love once saved my life.

But the song in my head these days --

This is Funky, and that is all.

Hello, Beautiful

2006-01-12T22:09:00.000-08:00

If you remember the HNT from before the holidays, you remember that I utilized my daughter's desecrated mirror with surprising results. The commentary provided through a teenager's song catalogue added an interesting dimension to getting nekkid and baring skin and soul.

This is another shot from the series, Mirror Images.

As my daughter leaves her room each day for school or play, I can only image she takes one last glance in the mirror.

The words, "Hello Beautiful" follow her out the door.

How beautiful is that?

All our mirrors speak to us, but not often are they so kind.

"Your gray hairs are returning." "Oh look, a new wrinkle." "Those jeans look funny. Have you gained weight?" "Maybe you should try a different hairstyle."

I'm thinking it's time to take out my perma-marker and shut my mirror up, once and for all. That's a resolution I can really get behind -- or in front of, as the case may be.

What does your mirror say to you? After you tell me, go see the bOSs.

This is Funky, and that is all.

Andy Warhol Called -- He'd Like His Boobs Back

2005-12-29T22:08:00.000-08:00

Our HNT orders are in; choose my favorite HNT from 2005 and post it, with a brand NEW story explaining why it's my favorite.

Well, after tossing around a few, I decided that this indeed is my favorite HNT of 2005. I actually don't have a lot of them to choose from (they're linked on my sidebar if you want to catch up), but this one was by far the most fun.

First of all, I got to play with photoshop.
Then I got to play with Flicker's collage toy.
Finally...
My boobs look so fucking perky!

Yes, that's deep, I know, but it's the honest story of why Andy Warhol in Bad Drag is my favorite HNT of 2005.

Now, go off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Os.

This is Funky, and that is all.

Here's Looking at You, Kids

2005-12-22T22:07:00.000-08:00

SooooooooooooOSBASSO shook things up a bit this week, didn't he? Instead of our usual half-nekkid fodder, we are instructed by the bOSs to gift three fellow HNTers with something other than skin. Being the obedient little fuck that I am, I gift (in no particular order):

Robin a.k.a Binsk
Binsk, you're one of the first blogs I started reading when I started reading blogs. Because of your quirky sense of humor and your fantastic eye for photography (my GOD, I remember when you bought your camera), I gift you with a round-trip, all expenses paid trip to someplace warm. When you arrive, you're going to be happy to find out that of the four weeks you'll be staying there, you get to spend a week with a crack-photographer, going on one of those travelog photoshoots. Your pictures will, of course, be published in a very artsy magazine upon your return. The other three weeks will be spent in an all-inclusive, oh-so-exclusive resort, where you will be served cocktails by men without shirts. Oh yes, Honey -- I arranged with your boss for these four weeks to be time off with pay.

Roximoon over at Between a Rock and a Diamond
Roxi, I found you through HNT about a week or two before you were forced to take your blog down. I mourned! From the first time I read your blog I was hooked. You are forceful, sexy, and intelligent. You never cease to amaze me, how bold and unpredictable and confident you are. So to you, I gift a Mind Control Mirror. With this Mind Control Mirror, you will no longer have to worry if your boyfriend's parents really like you. You'll know it beyond a certainty. In addition, this Mind Control Mirror comes with a profanity filter, so you can say "fuck" all you want, without fear or trepidation.

Femi-Mommy at Random Thoughts and Confessions
Femi-Mommy, I also discovered you through HNT, and though I don't always get the chance to visit you daily (nor have I had the chance to visit you in your new digs), I always shoot straight over to your blog on Thursdays (well, actually Wednesday nights, truth be told). Your photography is more than that; it's art, and no, it's not bad art. Art should transcend the medium and evoke. Your portraits always do. You have set an example in that we never have to just point the camera at our collar bone and shoot -- we have the option of saying in print, "This is how I feel." So I gift you with good health for the rest of your days. Being in good health, you will have the stamina to take on the second prong of your gift. I have opened an art gallery in New York City, with an annex in LA and Miami. I'll be commissioning the work of both you and Freckle Boy, and all expenses of reproduction, travel, and accomodations have been taken care of. Your work will be heavily promoted, my muse, and I promise you two will have plenty of down-time to enjoy your penthouse apartments.

Here's looking at you, Kids. For your intellect, your confidence, and your passion, I wish you all the best of the holiday of your choosing.
This is Funky, and that is all.

Dirty Little Secret

2005-12-15T22:07:00.000-08:00

Two hours in the house all to myself. LoveBug is in South Florida, the BugOffspring are all at church. What do to... what to do...

Well, first you get nekkid.

Then you study your camera for the time delay setting.

Finding none, you search for a full length mirror.

Well, it's HNT, and even though CadiBug has desecrated her mirror, this is going to have to do.

Then you put your clothes back on...

... or not...

... and you upload.

As it turns out, perhaps desecrating a mirror with song lyrics isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Did you play HNT? It's okay, you can tell me. I will keep your dirty little secret.

Go see the bOSs and let him know too. He's really good at keeping hundreds of dirty little secrets, week in and week out.

This is Funky, and that is all.

Ten Things I Hate About You

2005-12-08T22:06:00.000-08:00

I hate you because you told me I couldn't have a camera phone, and then you bought one for yourself so you could have Bluetooth Wireless.

I hate you because you're in Nashville, and you refuse to send me pictures using your new camera phone because you think camera phone pictures suck ass.

I hate you because you're on a business trip in Nashville, without me.

I hate you because your beautiful sales manager had to go with you.

I hate you because you're two-stepping at The Wildhorse Saloon while I am dodging the clock.

I hate you because you're in my city, walking past our courtyard, and eating breakfast at the Pancake Pantry after a night of hearty drinking.

I hate you because it's going to snow tomorrow where you are, and you actually think that's a bad thing.

I hate you because you don't know how beautiful you are.

I hate you because this is the closest I'll get to seeing your back as I fall asleep tonight.

But most of all, I hate you because I don't see myself the way you see me, and I'm jealous because I'd like to love myself that much.

This is Funky and that is all.

I'd Like to Buy the World a Coke

2005-12-01T22:06:00.000-08:00

There are times I envy those who are color blind, and I mean that in it's truest definition. As a photographer of the digital variety, all my shots come out in living color. It's then up to me and Adobe to decide whether I want to color my world, or desaturate it.

More often than not, I desaturate my world. I take it to black and white so that, void of color, I can view the forms, shapes, and lines in their purests forms.

Light/Dark/Shadows

Then I think about those people who only see black and white, in the most deviated sense of the word. They see the world and the people around them as either being "right" or "wrong". They don't allow for blemishes, nuances, and imperfections. They damn everything that doesn't come out perfectly exposed in Velvia.

I'd like to buy the world a coke, and taint it with tolerance. Whether color blind, or 20/20, it would be so lovely if humanity could accept the things it fears, whatever they are.

Wouldn't it be grand if we could all rise to the challenge of loving the unloveable, embracing the unknown, and evolving to something higher than our own selfishness?

This is Funky, and that is all.

Kissing My Sanity Goodbye

2005-11-16T22:04:00.000-08:00

Why yes I am half-nekkid in this picture, can't you tell?

The rest of this post has nothing to to with Osbasso and HNT, unless of course you count the fact that I'm talking about baring your soul.

Yesterday's post was mostly for me -- getting my feelings out and sharing with people I really don't know at all (yet somehow do).

I have to say that with few exceptions, each and every comment left on His Stupid Mouth played a very large part in helping me cope with Captain Vagina. Whether you were cracking up at his smart mouth, or reassuring me that everything is going to be okay, YOU HELPED!

So here's how the after-grounding conversation went down -- let's just say I talked and he pretended to listen.

Kid, I'm disappointed for a lot of reasons. I'm disappointed because I really thought you were capable of making better choices. I'm disappointed because I really thought you knew how to handle your anger in a productive way. Mostly, I'm disappointed because since you were very little, I've tried to help you understand -- and I think you do -- that there are people in this world that are innocent. These are the people we protect. These are the people we shelter.
Your teacher is an Innocent, but instead of protecting him, you joined the mob and attacked him.

I've tried to teach you that the most important thing we can do while we're stumbling around God's earth, is to make a difference in someone's life. I guess I should have stressed that you must make a positive difference, not a harmful difference.

You have two choices every single day -- it's that way with everything, Kid. What kind of difference you make from here on out is entirely up to you. Just know that if you choose to go against everything I've taught you about love and compassion, Mommy will be here to kick your sorry little ass. Now give me a hug, and clean up your room.

It never amazes me how blogging can actually be more than just random ramblings -- it's like free therapy, and you are all my little Freuds.

So uh, yeah...thanks. Oh, and Happy HNT.

Like I'd FORGET HNT! Pft!

2005-11-10T22:04:00.000-08:00

I'm half-nekkid AND I'm crushing your head.
Happy HNT!

HNT (or, Happy Nyquil Trip)

2005-11-03T22:03:00.000-08:00

Thursday night, as I sat here in this very chair, I said to my husband, "I'm going to bed." He looked at me with large round eyes of disbelief and said, "But it's not even 10pm!" Sure enough, it wasn't, and this could only mean one thing; FunkyB was getting sick.

Friday I woke for work to the sound of my brain pounding out an African rythmn in my ears.
"Call in sick" said the Lazy Voice
"I can't call in sick, moron. I'm covering a felony today." said i.

I drug my ass and other assorted body parts to the courthouse, only to have my felony trial turn into a plea. Yeah, you can rejoice, you tax-dollar conscious citizens, you members of the jury with a day off of work that now belongs to you and you alone. Funky was forced to play Hearts while her co-workers furiously poisoned her work space with Lysol Disinfectant.

As the case may be, HNT was shaping up to look like this:

However, as Thursday approaches, I'm happy to say that for you, JUST for YOU, Osbasso, I dug back into the archives a bit and found this shot to share.

Honestly, I'm not that refreshed-looking right now, but this is an accurate depiction of what I'll be doing as soon as I hit "Publish Post".

Happy HNT, Darlings. Funky needs a Ambien-night-night now.

Halloween Edition HNT

2005-10-27T22:02:00.000-07:00

Get it?

It's a BOO! b

Goddammit I crack myself up.

Happy HNT -- if you're still trying to figure out why I keep showing you my nekkidness, click here:

HNT, Oh Glorious HNT

2005-10-20T22:02:00.000-07:00

My Eyes Are Up Here...No, Higher...HIGHER!!!

When you're a mere 5'2", that's all men ever see.

And yes, I CAN tell the difference between someone engaged in conversation and someone struggling not to visually plunge head-first into the depths of my golden cleavage.

Not that I've ever minded...

Didja play?

*Which version do YOU like better?

HNT and More of Me (UPDATED 12:04 PM)

2005-10-13T22:00:00.000-07:00

(Click here to play along)

"Be nude when you can, be clothed when it`s in the best interest of nudism." -- Francis Piscabia

I promised to be a bit bolder this week. I'm also quite certain you've seen enough of my neck.

p.s. Happy Yom Kippur

UPDATE!

Listen, I love Lu over at Lu's Big Top. She's funny and she's sweet and she's talented, but people really, she's innocent as the day is long. I'm going to post a copy of the e-mail I just got from her so you can understand why it is that Lu is just so damned adorable.

"ok wanna hear something funny????


my husband...as you know...is a preacher...so just had to show him that
clip on your blog of that guy and the pinching their tits thing.....

so i said oh...honey come here i want you to see something...so he
walks over...and i load your blog and there...bigger than pete....was
your boobs!  HAHAHAHAHAHA

i just about died...(i had forgot about the half nekkid thursday
thing)... :P

And Old Photo, A New Revelation

2005-10-06T21:59:00.000-07:00

Since I LOST the shots I intended on using for HNT this week (I transferred everything but, it would seem) I'm forced to post an HNT re-run. Hope you don't mind - it's my virgin HNT post from a ways back. HOWEVER, this time I'll tell you a story to go with the photo. If you'd rather just comment "Nice TITS!" and be on your way, that's fine too.

Do you remember a week or so ago when I told you about the voice in my head? If you do, then you'll also remember that I try my best to IGNORE it. There is a very good reason WHY I refuse to acknowledge it. It's sort of like, when you're in a room full of kids...if you stand in the room and observe, they'll stay away from you. If you help one of them tie their shoe, you suddenly have fifty of them biting at your ankles. So the other day I told the voice in my head that NOTHING is wrong. Big mistake...I acknowledged its presence...and now I've got other voices vying for my time.

I'd like to introduce you to the one that goes with this photo. As I was leaving campus Monday night, I was conversing with one of the friendlier people in my brain. We were devising the great Vegetarian Experiment and I mentioned that there was a skinny person inside me who was DYING to get out. A brand new voice said, "You don't have a skinny person in here. What you have is a fat person inside you who not only wants out, but has been out for most of your life."

I introduced myself to the fat person, and found out she's actually a fat kid. She was teased in sixth grade because she developed boobs long before the other kids had stinky armpits. She was verbally abused by her step-father every time she tried to put an extra pat of butter on her rice. She was turned down for dance team in high school because there was only one "chubby" uniform, and another chubby girl's mom had more money to donate to the team. She told me she's been fat all her life. I looked through her photos and told her that she was never fat. She doesn't believe me. She doesn't know what it's like to be skinny, whether she was or not.

This fat kid is inside me, and she always finds a way to manifest herself and sabotage my best intentions. She rattled off the hundreds of diets I've tried, and giggled when she told me how she derailed each attempt to make her go away. She says she's not going away, and she's not gonna get skinny. She said I can go to Weight Watchers, be a Vegetarian, take diet pills, and exercise until I drop; she's not going anywhere. There's a fat kid inside of me, dying to get out.

And when I look in the mirror, no matter what the reflection says, it's her that I see.

(Click here to play along.)

The Pearl Series

2005-09-29T21:58:00.000-07:00

(Click here to play along.)

I want to be noticed, just not seen.

More from the Pearl series~

I think I'm most comfortable when I'm hiding. Taking shots of myself, sans clothing, has made me very aware of the fact that I'm not an extrovert. When I look over the shots I've taken, I find myself drawn to the ones that show me backing away from the camera...hiding from it... refusing to acknowledge my presence even to myself...and yet, there is something empowering about HNT. Try it -- you'll see what I mean.

You Show Me Yours, I'll Show You Mine

2005-09-22T21:57:00.000-07:00

(Click here to play along.)

One of my newly found, favorite blogs is Looney Bin Drop Out. The other day she wrote a fabulous post about how her husband is her hero... and amidst all the sweetness, she mentioned that he's hot as hell and built like a brick shit-house. So I suggested she use him as her feature for HNT... and I promised if she'd show me hers, I'd show her mine.

Anty up, girlfriend!

That's my LoveBug...he's beautiful without the PS work, but you know I love me some electronic art. I still can't believe I get to crawl under the covers with this man, but I do.

Happy HNT!

Red Red Wine

2005-09-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

(Click here to play along.)

This is my evening - this is how I decompress.

Once the kids are down for the night, I retreat to my retreat off the garage. This small room serves as an office for LoveBug and I. Every night at 10pm, I enter the office, pour a glass of wine, light a candle, and visit each and every one of you. By the time I get to the fifth or sixth blog, I'm sweating like a whore in church. I strip down to the barest minimum I can get away with (kids NEVER really go to bed on the first try) and polish off my wine. This is as nekkid as it gets, kids; one of my most private moments. Welcome to my spiritual retreat -- the place where I drown the day and attempt to silence the screams in my head...with whatever red red wine awaits nearby.

HNT -- Back in the Game

2005-09-09T00:00:00.000-07:00

Back in the game ;)

Since my buddies GreekChickie and Leesa played last week, I've been shamed into rejoining the ranks of those bloggers brave (vain?) enough to post Half-Nekkid pictures of themselves on Thursdays.

The story behind the photo is simple: This is me, or what I'll let you see of me... my body, my photo, my handy-dandy Photoshop skills.

Head on over to Obasso's Place if you want to check out ALL the Half-Nekkid Bloggers!